Changes

'''Reporter: ''' The DEA announced a crushing victory over Colombian drug cartels. A correspondent reports that a combined military force has closed down another drug operation run by the notorious Saenz brothers, long-time leaders of the Colombian drug cartel and paramilitary warlords fighting to control central Colombia.

'''British Female: ''' Look, nobody's saying that Carlos Saenz wasn't a complete and utter psychopath. But you know, I'm here. And you ask people around there, and they'll tell you global warming has wiped out the Colombian drug trade, not the fucking DEA. Posting this from Meta, Colombia. Here's another version of the truth.

'''Colombian Woman ''' [In Spanish* but not in a Colombian accent. For Spanish text and details on this accent incongruence see below]: When I was a girl things weren't easy, but now it rains and rains. We haven't even dried the coca leaves and they've already rotted. They say its because of global warming. 2 years ago the river took my brothers house, it took my brother his wife, my nephew, and the baby girl. We found it covered with mud and in the places where it dried it looked like ashes. Last year was difficult but the men who buy the coca leaves told us to grow what we could, and we did it and they they took it. We waited and we waited and then finally they told us that they could not pay us, because nobody wants to buy coca leaves. *baby crying in the background* (talking to it) shhhhhh... Hush my little girl. Good girl. This year the rains returned and we could not grow anything. Now the people say that nobody will buy the coca leaves, it's not worth anything to anyone. In Bogotá they only want Opal. They buy Opal in the United States and they bring it to Bogotá... Opal... (thanks for this! this would've been a phonetic nightmare)

'''Female: ''' Here in Colombia the people say nobody even buys coca anymore. It's all Opal. Even in Bogota, it's Opal. Shipped in from America.

'''Reporter: ''' Speaking from a compound on Pennsylvania Ave, a presidential spokesperson thanked God and the brave soldiers of the DEA for this astonishing raid, which he called a knockout punch to the already bloody face of the drug lords.

'''Female: ''' What a load of bullshit. Your tax dollars at work America... ''[her voice distorts into unintelligibility]''